The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

For more than a decade, IDS 110 and its Honors counterpart, UHC 110 have been providing the freshmen of 901 South National with their introduction to college life. None too well, for the most part.

The previous administration had rightly seen the need for such a course, and ponied up the resources to develop and staff it. Unfortunately, they selected as program director someone whose only qualification was having chaired (satisfactorily, for the administration's purposes) the Faculty Senate. A professor of "Administrative Office Systems," no less... a glorified typing teacher who looked and acted like the Church Lady. Within her first year as director, the Church Lady's control-freak tactics had run off 90% of the committed and enthusiastic faculty members who had crawled out of the woodwork hoping to help the poor little freshmen assimilate to college life. Soon IDS 110 was taught only by staff members and a handful of faculty members who were desperate for the money.

The kids hated the class too. They were frogmarched through every chapter of the IDS 110 textbook, which was authored by (you guessed it) the Church Lady herself. They snoozed through the stultifying group lectures about the evils of alcohol, drugs, sex, smoking, and whatever else the Church Lady considered worth worrying about. By semester's end they were well on their way to a profound cynicism about 901 South National and everything it was hoping to offer them. The original version of IDS 110 was literally worse than nothing at all.

There was no question of making changes to IDS 110. Not only did the Church Lady defend her turf like an irate mama badger, she was the BFF of the one person the University President was known to fear. Mrs. University President. It took two years' worth of surveys, reports, and committee meetings for the Church Lady to see the handwriting on the wall and begin the practice of addition by subtracting herself from the employ of 901 South National. IDS 110 soldiered on as best it could, somewhat bereft of direction while the current administration took the University in hand.

In keeping with the current administration's emphasis on student success, IDS 110 is being retooled yet again. Administrators of all levels are signing up to teach sections of the new and improved course, and have been tasked with "nominating" worthy and interested faculty members to teach other sections. The course carries a small stipend of $1000. A section of UHC 110 pays $1500. Another student success initiative involves "learning communities" consisting of a dorm floor's worth of students and a faculty member who becomes (I guess) their faculty big brother or big sister for a semester or two. I have been approached to participate in both initiatives for next year. I enjoy doing things like this, and have done them in the past, sometimes even without extra pay. Nor am I necessarily adverse to doing things which will redound to the greater glory of 901 South National.

But before I decide - well, I know I'm not going to teach the UHC as a matter of principle -I would like to know one thing. Will my contribution to bona fide University initiatives benefit me professionally? If so, how? Just about anything would count. Even the right to boot the asshat of my choice right in the ass, even once a month.